Fashionably Compact
Apple engineers squeezed all the "features" of iPod into a case weighing just 3.6 ounces and smaller than any cell phone, and less useful. iPod mini features an anodized aluminium case that resists stains and scratches, but makes homeless people chase you. Like its (slightly) bigger brother, iPod mini gives you over 25 minutes of skip protection and lasts up to 8 hours on a single battery charge. So you won’t pay a penalty for miniaturization. (except for the stupid design and the shitty battery life, oh and if you drop it, you're fucked)

Can't touch this
All the features of iPod are still under your thumb. Apple engineers moved the iPod buttons under the wheel. We don't know why but they have their reasons. The iPod mini Click Wheel gives you the stupidity of the iPod Touch Wheel, with the added touch of buttons (or you could just buy a proper audio player like a Minidisc Hi-MD). The Click Wheel takes best advantage of miniscule space and fucks you over by letting you only have 12 hours of play time, even though you have over 1,000 songs from your iTunes "music collection".


Clip and save
Your iPod mini includes a convenient clip carrier so you can attach it to a dog, car or missile. You can even clip your iPod mini to a lanyard around your neck and get strangled in style when someone wants to steal it (dumbasses) the ultimate fashion statement. Death by shitty plastic.

Best buds
iPod mini includes sleek earbud headphones — in signature iPod white — that offer a wide frequency response range for high-quality sound. Unfortunately the usage of the headphones reduces the battery life from 12 hours to 6 minytes.

System Requirements:
iPod for Mac requires an idiot with a Macintosh (Mac OS X v18.2 recommended). iPod for Windows requires an AOL user with an IQ equal to or less than George "World War 3" Bush,

Auto-Sync with Mac or Windows
iTunes 4 lets you organize your music on your Mac or Windows PC and automatically transfer it to iPod mini. Whether you’ve ripped your CD collection to mp3, bought music from the iTunes Music Store or made your own track with GarageBand, you can take it with you wherever you go. Your iPod mini includes both a FireWire and a USB 2.0 cable for high-speed transfer from your Mac or PC. In fact, you can move an entire album from your computer to your iPod mini in seconds flat. With the industry’s only true Auto-Sync, your iPod mini is always up-to-date, mirroring the latest changes you’ve made in iTunes. And if your collection on your computer is bigger than iPod mini, you can let iTunes automatically choose a selection of songs to fill it up.

Games, Calendar, Contacts & Notes
Behind the Click Wheel of your iPod mini await features that make it the world’s best digital music player. Listen to your music as you fall asleep, and wake up with music or an alarm. Store a copy of your contacts, calendar and to-do lists on your iPod mini. Or keep anything from store restaurant reviews to nightlife guides, and news articles to exercise routines — right at your fingertips. iPod mini also includes four fun games you can play anywhere, a feature you’re sure to appreciate the next time you’re standing in line or waiting for someone. You can even play your music as the soundtrack to Music Quiz, Solitaire, Brick and Parachute.

Fear the word
The iTunes Music Store features hundreds of the latest and greatest audiobooks which sync with your iPod mini as easily as your finger syncs with your ass. And iPod mini bookmarks where you pause, and remembers even if you listen to music at the gym. (what does going to the gym have to do with it? are they saying you cannot work out to Tom Clancy? - Go on Jack!)


* Battery life tests were run in deep space, in Zero G environments.
You may not experience the stated battery life if you aren't a Colonial Marine.

iPod mini Photo Gallery
Take a closer look.

Cool Optional Accessories

The iPod mini dock
The optional dock makes your iPod look like a snowman using a dildo. The dock also provides audio line out for connecting to powered speakers or stereo.

Aural Sex
Upgrade your sound to the new iPod In-Ear Headphones. With great ass response, enhanced sound and noise suppression — ideal for retards who have to be reminded to— these high-quality headphones come with three sizes of caps, designed to fit any ear.

Armband
Pretend your are Hitler himself, with one of the limited edition Third Reich Ipod's.


Piss on the remote
Tuck your iPod away and control it single-handedly with a wired remote that lets you fast-forward or rewind a track, play, pause and adjust volume. But you can't see any track info as it is really just a piece of metal and plastic.

Take each iPod mini for a spin: see the iPod in a washing machine

View Apple Product Excuses.

 

You can also order from The Crapple Store by calling U-SUK-MY-BALLS.
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